Mockazine

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Mockazine took some time off to celebrate Christmas with the fam.  It was wonderful.  Of the many great gifts received, the best gifts were given to charitable causes in honor of my family members.  In our honor, money was given through Children's Hope Chest and Samaritan's Purse to help people who are truly in need.  Chickens were given in my son's name, fruit trees for my wife, and honey bees for me.  Instead of Christmas being celebrated as "stuff day" in my household, we celebrated the birth of our saviour knowing that other families around the world would be blessed with food because of us.

What is Love?

via i.imgur.com

I See Dead People

A new study by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life reveals some startling differences between Republicans and Democrats on issues of spirituality and supernatural phenomenon.

The study, "Many Americans Mix Multiple Faiths," reports that a significant number of Americans practice a mixture of religious beliefs, and "many also blend Christianity with Eastern or New Age beliefs such as reincarnation, astrology and the presence of spiritual energy in physical objects." The report is not specifically about partisan differences, but the results of the study are broken down by party affiliation, among many other categories. And the news on that front is that Democrats are far more likely to believe in supernatural phenomenon than Republicans.

"Conservatives and Republicans report fewer experiences than liberals or Democrats communicating with the dead, seeing ghosts and consulting fortunetellers or psychics," the Pew study says. For example, 21 percent of Republicans report that they have been in touch with someone who is dead, while 36 percent of Democrats say they have done so. Eleven percent of Republicans say they have seen a ghost, while 21 percent of Democrats say so. And nine percent of Republicans say they have consulted a fortuneteller, while 22 percent of Democrats have.

There's more. Seventeen percent of Republicans say they believe in reincarnation, while 30 percent of Democrats do. Fourteen percent of Republicans say they believe in astrology, while 31 percent of Democrats do. Fifteen percent of Republicans say they view yoga as a spiritual practice, while 31 percent of Democrats do. Seventeen percent of Republicans say they believe in spiritual energy, while 30 percent of Democrats do.

via www.washingtonexaminer.com

Democrats are not being disingenuous when they admit to talking to dead people. On the contrary, they are quite serious.  Like Joe Biden, they will be honest at the most inconvenient times.  I find it ironic that they are so open about their communication with the dead now since they would flattly deny it during an election year when they are registering dead people to vote.

 

 

Holy Condom Prevents Immaculate Conception

Imagine my surprise when I read my news feed today and saw that one church denomination has determined it is there moral responsibility to hand our condoms at places of worship. 

As a means of fighting the spread of aids, the United Church of Christ (UCC) sees condom distribution as a "must".  Thank goodness they aren't bogged down by the whole "abstinence" thing that plagues public school systems in cities like Washington D.C.  While lesser churches are focused on archaic concepts like "righteousness" and "moral purity", this church takes a more progressive stance.  Returning to it's first century roots, the UCC is apparently trying to recreate the roman temples to Aphrodite.  Pretty soon, instead of just giving away condoms, they will be showing people how to use them.  Before you know it, "church pot-luck" will take on a whole new meaning.

New Years Resolutions

2009 is right around the corner and that means it's time to make New Years Resolutions.  As a dedicated public servant, Mockazine is here to help you craft your resolution list.

2009 Resolutions for Liberals:

I resolve to no longer hate George Bush - or at least make my hatred of him secondary to my adoration of Barack Obama.

I resolve to forgive my Democratic representatives of flagrantly overblown corruption charges like those against Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, William Jefferson, and Charlie Rangel.

I resolve to lose weight by donating 75% of my food budget to fund the enlightened one's public works initiatives.

I resolve to live a "green" life (other than being envious of the pretend happiness of stupid bumpkin Christians).  I will live a green life by giving up my car so I can afford to buy compact florescent bulbs for every light fixture in my house.  

Further, I will go "greener" through water conservation whereby I will only shower on Wednesday's and Saturdays.  On in-between days, I will make liberal use of hand sanitizer which is still more sanitary than the French.

I resolve to not beat up elderly women who disagree with my political views.  Pushing them to the floor is not technically beating them up unless I kick them too, right?

I resolve to continue to try to impeach President Bush even though he won't be president any more.

I resolve to stop whining about the past 8 years and start whining about something new in addition to the supreme court and the Democrat's non-filibuster-proof majority.

I resolve to marry anyone or anything I choose regardless of stupid states and their stupid laws because God wants me to be happy even though I don't believe in Him.  Broccoli and I WILL live happily ever after.

I resolve to hug a terrorist and let him vent--even if I don't understand his language or his culture.

I resolve to make conservative media and conservative blogs a hate-crime because I hate them.

2009 Resolutions for Conservatives:

I resolve to look for a new political party because Republicans and Democrats are too hard to tell apart.

I resolve to hoard food, blankets, and gold for the upcoming collapse of our society.

I resolve to go to church, even though it will be illegal.

I resolve to carry future pregnancies to full term because someone has to keep the human race from becoming extinct.

I resolve to build a ham radio and a repeater station to keep Conservative Talk Radio on the air.

I resolve to stock up on hunting rifles and ammunition for home protection and to provide food for my family.

I resolve to bathe at least twice a week or whenever clean water is available in the post-apocalyptic world.

I resolve to abstain from Obama-Derangement-Syndrome because the whole "president"-Derangement-Syndrome thing has gone too far.  Besides, the Liberals are already whining about him.

I resolve to vote for Sarah Palin and other conservatives like her in 2012.

Saint Barack of Obama

 

Now that he is president-elect, his deification is almost complete.  On January 20th, 2009, Barack Obama will not only be inaugurated as president of the United States, he will be canonized as Saint Barack.  Still undecided: patron saint of what?

• Change

• Liberals

• Socialism

• Abortion?

While those whom he patronizes (and his birth certificate) are in doubt, his sainthood is not.  Media outlets already portray him with an upward angle in his photographs.  Backgrounds often have a soft glow.  In one picture, the circular "Obama 08" symbol appears behind his head like a halo.

Look for Obama regalia such as coins, plates, statuettes, and sainthood medallions like the one above to hit your local department stores and humanist religious bookstores this February--Just in time for Valentines Day.

Is Hillary Clinton the Devil?

One might assume it is just the latest attack from a vast right-wing conspiracy, but for years now, allegations have been made that Hillary Clinton is the devil.  In 2005, Jay Severin said it. In September, 2006, Jerry Falwell said it.  Ok, not the most credible witnesses.

On January 8th of 2007, this video posted on YouTube:

This Christmas I recieved a lovely "Holiday Card" that I think settles the case definitively.  Enclosed in the card was this candid picture:

Clearly, the Senator of (not from) New York is NOT Satan.  Hillary Rodham Clinton may be evil.  She may have sold her soul to the devil to work for him as his earthly agent.  But she is clearly not the devil.