Mockazine

Obamacare: Like No One (Else) Cares

The Obama health care reform has been called many things lately, some outrageous and some scary, but none of the descriptions I have heard include "caring."

• Kathleen Sebelius says it will break the imaginary health insurance "monopoly" (as if all of the the private insurance companies are secretly owned by a crazy billionaire like George Soros).
• The National Chamber of Commerce says it will lead to a government monopoly.
• Sara Palin says it will create a "death panel" and effectively only offer health care to citizens whom the government deems "productive."
• Dick Morris says that it will inundate our doctors with too many patients and not enough incentives for new doctors to enter the medical field.  Read more of Dick's analysis at DickMorris.com.
• House and Senate Democrats say it does doesn't does doesn't does include taxpayer funded abortions and pork for abortion industry giants like Planned Parenthood.
• Conservatives say it will provide health-care for non-citizens and bankrupt the nation.
• President Obama says the AARP supports the reform
• AARP says President Obama "mis-spoke" (because it is tacky to call the president a liar).

Support for the reform is deteriorating faster than a "non-productive" citizen with stage 4 cancer.  What Obamacare needs is a good marketing plan with some catchy slogans like:

• Obamacare: It's health-care like no one (else) cares.
• Obamacare: The first step in reducing voluntary immigration.
• Obamacare: Our citizens are dying for it.
• Obamacare: Because "Obama" is Kishwahili for "I don't . . ."
• Obamacare: The elderly need not worry, we are rationing conservatives first.
• Obamacare: Because government programs are so efficient.
• Obamacare:  Like Hillarycare, but it has a "big stimulus package."

Click for full size image.  Image sources: Medical Book by Dani Simmonds, Hospital sourced from Morguefile.com
skull and crossbones from wikipedia commons.

Once everyone is successfully enrolled in Obamacare, we will have enough revenue to publish the Obamacare quarterly magazine with helpful articles and pretty pictures to keep loyal subjects informed and entertained.

Everyone stands to lose under the 1,000 + page bills the house and senate are working on.  Members of congress are having town hall meetings around the country over the next month.  Make sure you attend and let your opinions be known--while you still can.

UPDATE: 11/03/09

Did you see the John Stossel report on Obamacare? It is a must see video. Check it out through this post by my friend, Quipster.

Bump, Bump, Bumper

The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, IIHS, publishes a periodic newsletter called Status Report.  In the newsletter, the IIHS will review current safety trends and statistics relevant to the highway safety industry.

The recent, July 1st, 2008edition featured an article on bumper override--the difference in height between car bumpers and bumpers on light trucks and SUVs.  Something else about the issue caught my eye.  Something about the cover.  Something about the placing, the prominence, and the design of the word, "Bumper" drew my attention to the nearby back-end of the girl in the picture.  To me, it was as though the designer of the cover was telling a joke, and the girl was the butt of it.  Every time I looked, her bumper got bigger.  Take a look, below, and tell me if you don't agree.

 

America, Obama-Style: the Obamanation

Does anyone else think that something would stink if B.O. won the presidency?  A careful examination of of Barack Obama's policies certainly leaves me hoping for change.  Setting aside the political rhetoric and the innumerable flip-flops (since they are hallmarks of modern politics anyway), one can look at Senator Obama's voting record (and lack thereof) to determine the kind of leader he hopes to be.

Contrary to his current political ads, he is not for small business and the elimination of the welfare state.  Rather, he is a Socialist-Progressive (aka a Communist).  He will work with the Democratic led congress to increase government powers, remove individual liberties, raise taxes, and restrict freedom of speech.  He is not just pro-gressive; he is elitist, pro-union, pro-abortion--practically pro-infanticide. He is anti-business, anti-capitalism, and against the individual citizens right to determine his or her own destiny.

B.O. took his campaign last week to GERMANY of all places.  Does this strike anyone else as curious?  Is Germany participating in our general election?  Is it THAT general?

Take a glimpse at the future with OBAMANATION magazine.  OBAMANATION: Where Citizens Hope for Change.

Read articles by future Secretary of State, Rodney King.  He describes his foreign policy:  "Can't we all just get along?"

Examine the new Income Tax Elimination plan:  All worker funds will deposit directly into the federal reserve bank.  From there, each American resident will receive their monthly allowance to spend on "Green-certified" products at the local government dollar store.

Transportation costs will drop dramatically when religious services are transferred entirely to television, allowing the Media to replace religion as the "opiate of the masses."

As standing media king, B.O. will assume his rightful place as God of secular progressives and OBAMANATION magazine has exclusive rights to the first pictures.

Population control and women's choice will become national priorities when the C.R.A.P. Act passes legislation.  The Choice Regarding Abortion Providers Act will allow families the ultimate in family planning choices up to 3 years after the birth of the child.  To keep things fair, surviving children will have the option to "abort" their parents once they are no longer productive working members of society.

Freedom of speech will be maintained for the properly educated Illuminati.  The idiot masses will not need their own opinions, they will be able to receive their opinions from their government provided free subscription to OBAMANATION magazine.  Get your free speech in now; because, yes citizen, you will hope for change.

Do you agree or disagree with the Big B.O. on issues? Find out at BarackObamatest.com.

Modern Redneck

Rednecks have come a long way from the shotgun toting, beer bellied prehistorics you may imagine from Deliverance.  Today's redneck is inventive and technologically saavy as evidenced by the wildly popular Deer Butt Doorbell.  The truth is, Mountain Living has gone Mainstream.  If the HillBilly in your life can read, or if he just likes to look at pictures, subscribe to Modern Redneck Magazine.

Packed with insightful articles, tips, tricks, and "Daisy Duke" shorts, Modern Redneck is the perfect gift for the bumkin who has everthing.  This month's Modern Redneck features and exclusive interview with Miley Cyrus.  In never before seen pictures, Miley exposes her farmer's tan.  See it here for the first time:

We also feature an "everything you need to know" examination of Hi-Definition theater, to include must have Hi-Def movies, like Deliverance.  You haven't heard such a life-like pig squeal since cousin Elbert brought his newly abducted friend over.

Maybe you married a city girl and she can't tell an oak leaf from a poison oak leaf.  When you go camping, you need P.O.O.-- Portable On-demand Outhouse.  This pop-up pooper makes the perfect private place to pinch a pod.  Order yours from Forever Montana.

We announce last months winner who will be featured on My Big Redneck Wedding.  This months contest winner will be entered in the Spittoon Olympics.

Finally, the popular "How To" section gives you a step-by-step guide to making your own animal butt doorbell.  Not only do we show you the popular Deer Butt Doorbell, but wait until you see the "no soliciting" skunk butt doorbell with realistic skunk spray.

Bratazine

We have become accustomed to the bratty lives of Celebrity Pop Tarts.  So much so, that now unknown nobodies are gaining their 15 minutes of fame, not with talent or hard work, but with bad attitudes.   You don't have to contribute to society, be smart, talented, or rich to gain fame; you merely have to perceive yourself as strikingly beautiful and perceive others as worthless peasants.  Yes, anyone can make an ass of themselves for fame.  Watch out Paris Hilton, the modern Brat emerges. 

Not just a fad, brattiness is a commodity.  Brats even have their own 12 step program.  To celebrate this trend, we give you the inaugural issue of Bratazine, the magazine for brats. 

Read exclusive interviews with our top celebrity Brats like:

Da Brat

and Brit-Brat

Meet real-life Bratz Nisreen Swedberg and Sarah Williams--kicked off a plane because they were too pretty to fly.

Take our quiz--Are YOU a Brat?

Bratazine--on sale February 30th, 2008

Picture Credits: Lindsey Lohan, "too pretty to fly", Da Brat, Brit-Brat, flight attendant