Mockazine

Go take a flying leap . . .

 

 

Bungie jumping photo courtesy of photoxpress.com.

Cosmetic surgery stretches short people

A Florida surgeon performed 650 "height surgeries" last year, and one man who was unhappy with his 5-foot-6 frame reportedly "grew" a full six inches.

 

The "cosmetic limb-lengthening" process helps people suffering from height dysphoria (i.e., they hate being short). "It's one of the few psychologic-psychiatric disorders that you can actually cure with the knife," says Dr. Dror Paley -- who, incidentally, will need to break your leg bone in two and insert a telescopic rod to stretch you about a millimeter a day.

via now.msn.com

. . . or you could just wear lifts in your shoes.

Kraft Crafts Adult-Only Vending Machine: It's Not What You Think

Of all the jobs we thought couldn’t be threatened by technology, we never thought we’d see those women who hand out free samples in the grocery store replaced by a machine. Guess we were wrong. As USA Today reports, Kraft Foods has teamed up with Intel to unveil a new high-tech vending machine that doles out free samples of Jell-O Temptations desserts — but only if you’re an adult.

The sci-fi gizmo uses a camera and (creepy-sounding) “Anonymous Video Analytics technology” to determine, among other things, a customer’s age — baby faces will be asked to back away from the machine.

Sorry, kiddies, your pudding will have to be purchased.

Read the rest of story at: www.recipe.com

 

Twilight Breaking Wind

 

It has been a while since I have mocked up a movie poster.  Seeing all the Breaking Dawn hype, it occurred to me that Vampires may not pass gas, but werewolves certainly do and I am sure it smells as atrocious as any other dog.  Hence the birth of Twilight: Breaking Wind.

Butt Flu

Do seasonal flu concerns have you worried that you might catch the Butt Flu?  Butt Flu, unlike other flu viruses, is known for causing particularly nasty "two-sided" sneezes.  You don't want a Butt Flu sneeze to embarass you in front of all of your friends.

Worry no more. Butt Flu can be defeated.  Use Clorox Toilet Bowl cleaner to kill flu germs in your toilet bowl.

Amish Popcorn: Not for Microwave Ovens

True confession:  I was in World Market the other day when I saw Amish popcorn.  This is regular popping corn, not microwavable.  Of course, you would not expect the Amish to use a microwave to pop popcorn anyway, but I thought they should make a point of it on the lable--so I added it for them.  Ironically, they do have a website:  Amishcountrypopcorn.com.  I wonder how that works?

Don't get me wrong, I have much respect for the high quality craftmanship you get from an Amish shop and I admire their strong faith.  I am sure their popcorn is very good too.

Pennsylvania’s purple squirrel a rainbow-colored riddle | Fox News

via www.foxnews.com

Why is this squirrel purple? Was it too much shellfish? Did it take a port-o-pot bath?

Click the link above to read the leading theories.