Mockazine

Holy Condom Prevents Immaculate Conception

Imagine my surprise when I read my news feed today and saw that one church denomination has determined it is there moral responsibility to hand our condoms at places of worship. 

As a means of fighting the spread of aids, the United Church of Christ (UCC) sees condom distribution as a "must".  Thank goodness they aren't bogged down by the whole "abstinence" thing that plagues public school systems in cities like Washington D.C.  While lesser churches are focused on archaic concepts like "righteousness" and "moral purity", this church takes a more progressive stance.  Returning to it's first century roots, the UCC is apparently trying to recreate the roman temples to Aphrodite.  Pretty soon, instead of just giving away condoms, they will be showing people how to use them.  Before you know it, "church pot-luck" will take on a whole new meaning.

Obama: Teleprompter Dreams

President Obama has had his share of embarrassing moments recently with his teleprompter.  He has taken his teleprompter where no teleprompter has gone before--parties, press conferences and yet, the Teleprompter of the United States (TOTUS) has let him down.  Recently, at a St. Patty's Day party, the teleprompter delivered the wrong speech and the Big B.O. actually thanked himself for being there.  The backlash from the recent gaffs resulted in TOTUS being left behind on a visit to Jay Leno, where the Big B.O. told offensive and un-funny jokes to the Tonight Show audience.

Following the Tonight Show embarrassment, TOTUS is back in place.  TOTUS is the first teleprompter to be invited to a presidential press conference.  Once again, they are inseparable.  Clearly, there is more than just a professional relationship at stake.  What if the mistakes are not the fault of the teleprompter?  What if the president actually has thoughts of his own?  What if he can do more than just read what he is given?  

I suspect his dependence on the teleprompter has deepened into a kind of love that most men can not comprehend.  When he sees the teleprompter, he sees more than a sterile, cold machine; more than a screen on a stand.  I think he sees love.

Consider the recent interview if Michelle Obama by Sushi Zhing, the Oprah of Micronesia:  The topic of the show was "Marriage under Stress" and the first lady was asked how she keeps her marriage healthy within the demanding environment of the White House.  She talked about date night, encouraging notes, and setting boundaries.  The conversation was light and entertaining until Sushi asked, "What about the teleprompter?"  Michelle sat silent for a few moments as a frown wrinkled her brow.  

Abruptly, her mood lightened and she responded.  "I love that machine.  I don't have to read my husband's mind, I can just read his teleprompter."

Sushi and her audience squealed with delight. "Be honest, Michelle, do you get jealous?" Sushi asked.

Michelle replied, "Look Sushi, we each have our place; our own roles in Barack's life.  I don't tell him what to say, and that machine knows the lines it must not cross with me.  I think I have said enough.  Let's talk about the children."  The resulting dialog never came back to the teleprompter.

Is there really something going on between TOTUS and the Big B.O.?  Will Michelle pull the plug?

Only time will tell.

 

Impressions

Can you tell what this picture is?

First impressions are lasting, but some impressions fade over time.  The worst way to make an enduring impression is to be something you are not.  Pretending may be effective initially, but the mask will eventually fall off and the truth will be known.  The initial impression fades and the negative becomes the only visible image.  Better to be yourself, or simply be quiet.  As Forrest Gump says, "It is better to keep your mouth shut and have people think your an idiot than to open your mouth and prove them right."

Sometimes you make an impression in without realizing it; perhaps in ways you cannot anticipate.

Last night, I sat on my brown suede recliner watching Dancing with the Stars.  When I got up to put my son in bed, I looked down at the chair and saw that I left my mark.  I had no idea I made such a big "impression" of myself.

Obama: R.O.B.A.M.A.

President Barack Obama has finally revealed his true nature.  Far from the suave, smooth talking, liberal-messianic orator of the new millennium, he is nothing more than just a guy who can read.  Only read . . . whatever happens to appear on his beloved teleprompter (affectionately nicknamed, "Michelle 2").  Far from a leader with thoughts and plans of his own, he is a puppet to the left.  A robot:  R.O.B.A.M.A.

 

Wires, transistors, glass eye, and a wireless connection to his almighty speech writer, RO-bama can flawlessly read anything set before him on a television screen.  In the absence of a teleprompter, though, he is prone to stumble, stutter, or repeat the mantra programed on his memory chip:  Hope and Change. Hope and Change.

This week, while speaking at a party--yes, a PARTY--R.O.B.A.M.A. was fed the wrong speech and inadvertently thanked HIMSELF for being there.  Unable to think for himself, this modern day Pinocchio helplessly recited the wrong man's speech.  And they called Pres. Bush "stupid".

The thinking man will ask, "Why do you need a teleprompter at a party?"  Couldn't he find a better date?  He is supposed to be married!  This is supposed to be the most powerful man in the world and I wouldn't be surprised if he needs help tying his own shoes.  At least this explains all the bad decisions and executive orders he has signed.

Apparently, R.O.B.A.M.A.'s teleprompter has started it's own blog.  Only time will tell if this is the actual teleprompter, or just another R.O.B.A.M.A.press secretary . . .

As for me, I have officially bookmarked a R.O.B.A.M.A. Countdown Calendar.

Michael Jackson: This is It!

Michael Jackson has announced his final tour (again).  "This is it," he said repeatedly.  The surprise of the tour is almost as shocking as Michael's other revelation. . . this is it for plastic surgery as well.  Just before the beginning of the tour in July, Michael will unveil that he finally has the body of Cher.  See it here first as he practices Cher's grammy winning pose:

 

Touring with him will be child singing sensations: Billy Gilman, Declan Galbraith, Connie Talbot, and Bill Kaulitz. 

They will be singing a compilation of favorite hymns like, "He Touched Me" and "Come, sinner, come."  He will also present newly remixed medleys of MJ favorites like "Beat it-Billy Jean", "Bad-Man in the mirror", "You are not alone-In the closet", and "Dirty Diana-Why you wanna trip on me."