Sometimes, an idea comes along that transcends the mind from which it originates. Take, for instance, the new Fish Empathy project from PETA. The great minds of PETA have embarked on a campaign to help people "feel" like a fish. No, they are not pushing scaly clothing. They want people to think fish thoughts and feel fish feelings. They want YOU to know the pain of the modern fish. Essentially, fish are people too and if you eat them, your a freaky cannibal.
To help you empathize, 100 PETA members got together and made a "Fish Empathy Quilt". If anything can evoke fish feelings in me, it is looking at a 300 sq ft fish quilt. I feel fishy already. My new found fish feelings have enabled me to come up with a list to help other people empathize as well. Do you want to feel fishy too? Here is how:
Swim. Fish spend their lives in water. Spend extra time in the bath. You want to feel like a fish, not smell like one.
The big B.O. has taken a vacation this week. After receiving criticism over his totally legitimate"inflate your tires" strategy for reducing transportation costs, he needs some time to regroup and come out with a stronger plan. Mockazine's covert reporters have caught wind of his next energy strategy.
Staying true to his base philosophy, Presidential hopeful Barack Obama will introduce phase two of his inflation plan at the Democratic primary in Denver. Exercising god-like authority, he has manufactured a shortage of limousines in Denver to facilitate his new proposal: the Obama-loon Hot Air Balloon.
Senator Obama was quoted as saying, "I don't have enough gas to solve this crisis, but I do have hot air." When not flying in a private jet, Obama will use the Obama-loon to make scheduled campaign stops and cover more of the country.
Complete with hovering doves and a rainbow connection, the Obama-loon is everything an aspiring politician needs to inspire hope and change without substance.
Mockazine's covert reporters caught up with a "higher-up" in the McCain campaign. Our anonymous source, who we will call, John McClane, saw the Obama-loon and said, "That things almost as big as his ego."
Not to be dismayed by Republican criticism, Obama's flight manager noted that if everyone were to use hot air balloons, we would cut down on highway traffic, highway collisions and fatalities, and our dependence on foreign oil. Additionally, Al Gore's scientific team agrees that the blocked sunlight from billions of balloons would reduce global warming, but only marginally because of all of the extra hot air generated by the balloon furnaces.
Hotel Heiress, Paris Hilton, thinks an appearance in a political ad has entered her into the presidential race. The scary part: given that the current front runners are the geezer and the pretender, she could win. While she has only taken a stance on two issues, and one of those is a new paint job for the White House (apparently pink is the new white), I believe she could stand a chance. Let me tell you why.
First, Obama's popularity among voters proves that Americans want to vote for someone young and vacuous--but Obama's actual stance on important issues of the day are simply ludicrous. McCain's position on many issues is much better than Obama's, but he looks like he is teetering on the edge of death--a vote for McCain is a vote for his Vice President. Paris, unbelievably, has views closer to McCain; at least on energy--the one issue she has spoken about. Here is a breakout:
The issue: Rising Energy Costs
Obama: In typical Democrat fashion, Obama believes that inflation is the answer. In this case, tire inflation as well as regular tune-ups. Oh yeah, and we should examine new technologies for the future. For the time being, though, suck it up America. Gas prices were going to get this high eventually.
McCain: Although not entirely committed to the idea of drilling, McCain says he will allow drilling in some cases, as long as we don't make a mess. He is too old to wipe up all that spilled oil. He is not opposed to new technologies, or adequeate tire pressure, but he doesn't think new cars need tune-ups like the cars that were around when he was young.
Paris: Paris is running on the platform of "I'm just hot." Perhaps she is claiming responsibility for global warming and assuring us that it, like any other fad, will pass. Her stance on energy is to allow strictly controlled drilling for now, while providing incentives for new technologies in the future. If you have not already seen it, here is her "Funnyordie.com" video:
Now, I am not a big fan of Ms. Hilton. As a matter of fact, I think she needs to do a lot of growing up in light of her Carl's Jr. ads and her horrible CD. However, the young lady impressed me with her witty and articulate stance on energy policy. She has shown that she is growing, if not too rapidly. Two words of advice to Paris: 1. America is not looking for a party-girl president. 2. Bill Clinton proved that you should keep your panties on, even in the Oval Office.
My son is six years old. Normally, he gets about an hour of television a day. Sometimes less. This summer was an exception--he watched a LOT of television. Every once in a while, he will repeat something he heard on TV. Usually something from a Nickelodeon show--like the lyrics to Patrick's new song on Spongebob. Or a quote from iCarly.
This morning, as we prepared for church, he gave his mother the ultimate new generation compliment. My wife asked me how she looked and I said something like, "fine". My son chimed in with, "Mom, you look better than . . .