Mockazine

Darth Mater

Take two popular concepts and put them together for something even better.  Imagine your pre-schooler's delight when you bring home the hybridization of Cars and Star Wars => Car Wars.  In this new universe, familiar people and places take new roles and create a whole new story to delight the senses.

In this story, Lightning Skywalker enlists to save Princess Leia Carrera from the evil Darth Mater after finding out that he has destroyed her home world of Alternon.  Under the mentor-ship of Doc Kenobi and with the help of friends like GuidoD2 and Ramon Solo, Lightning must evade Mater's Storm-Tractors and find his way deep into Mater's headquarters, the Death Starter.

Along the way, they will find themselves betrayed by Ramon's "friend," Limo Carissian, and put up for sale on Hutt's used car lot.  Eventually they find themselves on the forest moon of Endor, where, with the help of a tribe of Cooper Minis, they will bring down Mater's empire.

This month, pick up your copy of Car Wars Magazine to read about Darth Mater's origin, his desperate search for a "best friend", and even view never before seen pictures of Mater unmasked.

Picture Credits:  Darth Vader without Mask, Darth Vader Pointing, Darth Vader face, Mater, Thor's Helmet Nebula

2nd hand smoke

A friend of mine had a concept and he wanted to market it but he's got too much going on to see it through. He asked me to "Photoshop" an image for him around the idea that Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton is second hand smoke.  I found the largest, best resolution image of Senator Clinton available on the internet. 

1. The slogan is pregnant with imagery:

• It could be second hand smoke from a cigar, like the infamous oval office cigar.
• It could be the unintended consequence of the first Clinton presidency.
• It could be an unwelcome intrusion from someone else's bad habit.
• Is she carcinogenic?  Seriously, think about that health plan . . .
• Listen to her speak, do you get the feeling that a fog or haze obscures the truth?  What exactly is her stance on the war?
• 2nd hand smoke is shared.  Everyone gets to have some.  Maybe that corresponds to her popularity.
• It crosses gender boundaries

I tried googling "Second Hand Smoke" and I came up with some creepy stuff that the esteemed Senator would certainly have nothing to do with.  I will spare you the details.

We can stretch the analogy a little, but it gets even less tasteful:

• 2nd hand smoke is not pretty
• It is not feminine, even though it may be feminist
• It makes some people gag.

Try to take the analogy too far and it dissipates:

• 2nd hand smoke is not popular
• It is not legal in public places in California
• It is not pro-choice
• It crosses racial boundaries
• It is not progressive

Today, Senator Clinton and Senator McCain are front runners for each of their parties.  I am afraid both candidates could be viably compared with 2nd hand smoke but I don't have a dissipating McCain. 

While we want the legislative, judicial, and executive branches of government to be non-partisan, or at best cooperatively bi-partisan, am I the only person who sees more similarities between these two candidates than we would expect between the parties?  While the two party system has definite weaknesses, a one party system would destroy all remnants of a representative democracy. 

Not Funny

I am taking a break for a few days.  My home was invaded last night by three thugs looking for cash and jewelery.  I am going to see my family through this before looking for something funny to blog about.  Get the details on my But Seriously site. 

It CAN happen to you too.  Take steps to prepare your family.

Poodle Lover

I see a lot of strange things on the road.  I have seen drivers do things that would make you blush and I have seen drivers do things that would make you learn sign language.  Occasionally, I see something funny.

Today, when I left for lunch, I pulled away from a parked car with the license plate: Poodlvr.  The funny thing about the car is that you could tell that the driver loves poodles.  The hair-do, the expression, this one was a real poodle lover.  I took some pictures with my cell phone.

Disclaimer:  The following photos were NOT re-touched in any way.  You can tell from my other posts that I like photoshop.  If I wanted to, I could make a picture like these, but a lot clearer.

It is ironic how pets come to resemble their owners, isn't it?

Hot for Chocolate

You can learn a lot from late night television -- no, not THAT kind of late night TV; I am talking about the talk shows like The Tonight Show.  I heard Leno talk about an Italian study that says women are more interested in sex if they are given chocolate. 

Not that I would doubt such an obvious statement, but I looked it up on the internet and found an article on Chocolate.org.  I also found reference to the study on Worldhealth.net.  100% of the women I spoke with also validated this theory--thankfully without in-depth explanation.  Let's not forget Lady Godiva who rode horses au-natural.

I was trying to find the actual study until I realized I can't read Italian.  Good thing I found Chocolate Lovers magazine; a magazine that routinely examines the link between chocolate and sex.  It even has an advice column: Ask Mrs. Ghirardelli.  Some of the questions in this issue:

Dear Mrs. Ghirardelli, I have sucked off the chocolate, what do I do with the nuts?

and

Dear Mrs. Ghirardelli, My in-laws keep mixing chocolate with coffee.  Is something wrong with them?

The magazine is a staple among women of all ages.  It is a wonder this magazine is not a regular subscription among men age 18 to 35.

Perhaps the most stirring article is an expose on the growing problem of 30 (+) year old middle school teachers and Ovaltine.  Surely you have heard the many accounts in the past year of female perverts working in our middle schools.  Instead of adult interests in adult chocolates like mocha and dark chocolate, these women are stuck on rich, chocolatey Ovaltine. 

In spite of how wrong this is, these women are still not given serious sentences and they are given a pass on violating their probation.

I would love to go on, even give you sample articles, but I have to buy my wife some chocolate.

Picture credits: Lindt Logo, Woman's face from Anitapatterson on Morguefile.com, Chocolate bar texture, Hershey's Kiss, hot teacher

Are you interested in image editing?  Here are some of the resources upon which I rely.

Election '08 - New Hampshire

The residents of New Hampshire have made themselves heard today.  The New Hampshire primaries are over and the results are in. 

Here is MSNBC's report. 

On the Republican side, no suprises, John McCain took 37% to Mitt Romney's 32% and Mike Huckabee's 11%.  On the Democratic side, Hillary Clinton took back her lead with 39% to Barack Obama's 32% and John Edwards 17%.

Two things about the New Hampshire primaries strike me as particularly interesting:

First:  The percentage of votes for the top 3 canditates in each party are strikingly similar.  As though all the voters got to pick one candidate from each party.  Fox had slightly different stats that don't work for me, but the end results are still the same.

Secondly:  Hillary Clinton has done what no male presidential candidate could succeed at doing.  She cried and won.  None of the Hillary slogans I posted propelled her to the top.  The winning slogan to take to the nation:

Campaign Slogans - Giuliani '08

Since I could not come up with a lot on Fred Thompson, I had to do some work for another Republican candidate to catch up with the 8 suggestions for Hillary Clinton.  My next victim beneficiary is Mayor Rudy Giuliani.

Giuliani has taken hits for his personal relationships.  We can easily turn this into a positive campaign spin with a single quote.

No disrepect to Giules, but do you notice that the space between his head and his shoulders is maybe a little less than normal?  I hope it's not a close race, i.e. neck and neck, 'cause he would surely lose.  Perhaps a good campaign strategy would be to appeal to the voter's sense of humor with a little self depreciation like this:

Where was Rudy during the Iowa caucus?  Did he forget about it?  Maybe this is some sort of reverse psychology that emphasizes his confidence.  A campaign like this:

I would imagine that a more agressive campaign would be more likely to win, but nobody bothered to share this with the Republican candidates.  Instead, they seem to be going with a "He with the most bizarre strategy wins" philosophy.  We shall see. . .