It has been less than a week since my home was invaded. I am still working through this, but if blogs are not for regular updates, then what are they for? As I work through the grief process, I will post what I find valuable.
I have received a lot of encouragement. God graciously grants us peace when we are not in a time of loss or trial, but that peace can make it easy to forget how important our words and gestures of encouragement can be. Today I received a note from Beth, the mother of a pre-school classmate of my son. Beth wrote:
"We just wanted to assure you of our prayers and we are so sorry this difficult experience happened. I can imagine it may be challenging for some time to sleep at night so I'm praying that all of you will experience supernatural comfort and peace, and be able to sleep peacefully and restfully.
" I spent a little time looking up some Bible verses on this: Perhaps these will comfort your hearts: Psalm 3; especially verse 5, Psalm 4:8, John 10: 7-10. I am told that in Biblical times, the sheepfold had no gate, just an opening and the shepherd would lay his own body across that opening to protect the sheep. To me this is a very comforting image to imagine Jesus himself being my gate, laying Himself across the doorway of my heart, my home, my life.
"I pray for your comfort and peace in the days ahead."
Friends, family, readers, this is gold that thieves can not steal. To everyone who has sent a kind word, or a prayer, or cookies (my neighbor made me cookies--I am a sucker for chocolate chips), I give you my thanks. If you want to to know how to cultivate an "attitude of gratitude", survive an assault. The smallest kindness is significant--"thank you for coming to starbucks" made me feel grateful. A kind, friendly face is a gem and a friend who cares is a treasure.
I found some more encouraging verses at Bible.com when I was looking up Beth's verses.
I don't grieve the loss of the material things, I am more grieved by the loss of innocence, confidence, security, and restful sleep.
What can you do if someone you know is going through a trial like mine, or a terminal illness, or a death in the family? How can you help someone who is working through the grief cycle? Although everyone grieves differently, these tips can help you help your friend:
1. A simple word of encouragement like, "I am thinking of you" or "I am praying for you" whether spoken or written is a wonderful blessing. Avoid saying, "I know how you feel" unless you have been in identical circumstances--some people don't like being told how they feel.
2. If you have been through a similar trial, recounting your trial and how you worked through it is powerful encouragement. God allows us to grow through trials so we can help others through similar circumstances. Suggest some strategies that helped you. You may want to avoid telling someone what they have to do, instead, tell them what they may want to do.
3. Think of your own talents and strengths. Maybe there is something specific you can do--like bake a batch of cookies or a casserole dish. With a situation like mine, you will want to avoid delivering the dish after dark or unannounced, but the gesture pays far greater dividends than the effort required to cook the meal. Maybe you could help install safety equipment, or watch the persons child(ren). Maybe you want to just sit and offer your company or play a game or read a book--talking about the trauma and the drama can get tiresome and distractions are welcome.
4. A person who experiences trauma or a life changing event may not want or think he needs counseling at the time of the experience. Ask if you can help find a counselor 3 days and a week after the incident and he may feel differently.
5. Encourage your friend to help someone else. Being valuable to someone else goes a long way toward restoring personal value in the eyes of the victim. I plan on buying some large sight door viewers and offering to install them for some of my neighbors who may not have the tools to do so.
6. Encourage your friend to sort through his own feelings and develop a plan for the future rather than "why" it happened or "what could be done differently".
7. The easiest thing to do is just listen; but if you are going to listen, then do it actively--don't daydream. Try not to interrupt, let your friend tell his story then ask clarifying questions to keep him talking. Caring enough to listen is truly caring.
Now that you know what you can do, go help someone.
